Morality & Ethics (Akhlaq)

Kindness to Parents

Kindness to Parents: A Sacred Duty

Kindness to Parents: Islam’s Sacred Path to Success

Your parents—from the moment you were born—sacrificed for you tirelessly, loved you even in moments when you least deserved it, and stood by you when no one else would. They cared for you when you couldn't care for yourself, forgave your faults without hesitation, and supported you even when you faltered. Think about it: who else would love you unconditionally, sacrifice without complaint, and genuinely wish for your success more than your parents?

In Islam, kindness to parents isn't just a noble gesture—it’s an absolute duty, commanded directly by Allah. After faith itself, honoring parents stands as one of the greatest obligations a Muslim has. The Qur'an explicitly places respecting your parents immediately after worshiping Allah, highlighting the immense weight Islam gives to this relationship. Simply being kind and respectful is not a favor you're doing them—it’s the bare minimum proof of good character and true faith.

Allah teaches us clearly that kindness to our parents is one of the highest expressions of our humanity and faith. This simple act opens doors to immense blessings in our lives, both now and eternally. Through Qur’anic verses, profound teachings of Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), insights from respected scholars, and inspiring historical examples, this article will reveal why being kind to your parents isn't just beneficial—it’s essential to your spiritual and worldly success.

Qur’anic Verses Emphasizing Kindness to Parents

The Qur’an contains numerous direct references to treating parents with compassion and respect. Below are some key verses in which Allah instructs believers about their duty to parents:

“Your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honor your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them even ‘uff’ (a mild word of disrespect), nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, ‘My Lord! Have mercy on them as they raised me when I was young.’” (Qur’an 17:23–24)

“We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. His mother carried him through weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the final return.” (Qur’an 31:14)

“But if they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them, yet accompany them in this world with appropriate kindness, and follow the path of those who turn to Me. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.” (Qur’an 31:15)

“Worship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and do good to parents, relatives, orphans, the needy, the near neighbor and distant neighbor, the companion at your side, the traveler, and those whom your right hands possess. Indeed, Allah does not like those who are arrogant and boastful.” (Qur’an 4:36)

“And We have enjoined upon man good treatment of parents. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning period is thirty months. When he grows to maturity and reaches forty years, he prays, ‘My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You bestowed upon me and upon my parents, and to do righteousness that pleases You, and make my children righteous. Indeed, I repent to You, and I am of the Muslims.’”* (Qur’an 46:15)*

“We have enjoined on man to be kind to his parents. But if they endeavor to make you associate (others) with Me of which you have no knowledge, then do not obey them. To Me is your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do.” (Qur’an 29:8)

“And (Prophet Yahya – John) was dutiful to his parents, and he was not arrogant or disobedient.” (Qur’an 19:14)

“(Prophet Jesus said) *‘And (God) made me dutiful to my mother and He has not made me arrogant or defiant.’*”* (Qur’an 19:32)*

In these verses, Allah ties tawḥīd (worshiping Him alone) directly to birr al-wālidayn (goodness toward parents). Believers are instructed to speak kindly to parents, care for them humbly especially in old age, and pray for them. Even if parents pressure a Muslim to disobey Allah (for example, to abandon Islam or commit idolatry), the Qur’an says not to obey such requests – but still to treat those parents with kindness in worldly matters (as seen in 31:15 and 29:8). This makes it clear that while obedience to Allah comes first, Muslims must still show compassion, respect, and care toward their parents regardless of differences in faith.

Prophetic Hadith on Kindness to Parents

The Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) reinforced the Qur’an’s teachings with his own words and example. Numerous authentic hadith from revered collections (Sahih Bukhari, Sahih Muslim, Sunan Abi Dawud, Jamiʽ at-Tirmidhi, and Sunan Ibn Majah) emphasize being good to parents as a path to Paradise and warn against disrespecting them. Here are some of the key hadith related to this topic:

A man asked the Prophet (ﷺ), “Which deed is the most beloved to Allah?” He replied, “Prayer at its proper time.” The man asked, “Then what?” He said, “Kindness to parents.” The man asked, “Then what?” He said, “Jihad (striving) in the way of Allah.” (Sahih Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

A companion asked, “O Messenger of Allah, who is most entitled to my good companionship?” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Your mother.” The man asked, “Then who?” The Prophet said, “Your mother.” The man asked again, “Then who?” The Prophet repeated, “Your mother.” The man asked a fourth time, “Then who?” The Prophet finally said, “Your father.” (Sahih Muslim)

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “Paradise lies at the feet of your mother.” (Sunan an-Nasa’i & others – meaning Paradise is attained through serving one’s mother)

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “May he be humiliated! May he be humbled! Who? He whose parents (one or both) reach old age with him, and yet he fails to enter Paradise (by serving them).” (Sahih Muslim)

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “No child can repay his father (for all the favors and upbringing) unless he found his father as a slave, bought him, and then set him free.” (Sahih Muslim, Sunan Ibn Majah)

A man came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I want to join the fighting (Jihad) for Allah’s sake.” The Prophet asked him, “Are your parents alive?” He said, “Yes.” The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Then strive in their service (that is your Jihad).” (Sahih Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

The Prophet (ﷺ) said: “It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents.” The people asked, “O Allah’s Messenger, how could a man curse his own parents?” He replied, “If he abuses another man’s father, that man abuses his father (in return); if he abuses another’s mother, the other man abuses his mother. (Thus, by provoking others he effectively curses his own parents.)” (Sahih Bukhari)

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “Among the major sins are: associating partners with Allah, being undutiful to one’s parents, murder, and bearing false witness.” (Sahih Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

The Prophet (ﷺ) said, “The father is the middle (best) gate of Paradise. So it is up to you to keep that gate or lose it.” (Jamiʽ at-Tirmidhi & Sunan Ibn Majah)

A companion asked the Prophet (ﷺ), “Is there anything I can do to honor my parents after their death?” He replied, “Yes, pray for them, ask forgiveness for them, fulfill their promises (or wills), honor their friends, and maintain the family ties which you would not have were it not for them.” (Sunan Abi Dawud & Ibn Majah)

Asma’ bint Abi Bakr (a daughter of Abu Bakr) said: “My mother (who was a pagan at the time) came to me seeking help during the treaty of Hudaybiyyah. I asked the Prophet (ﷺ) ‘My mother has come to me and she is in need, should I keep good relations with her?’ He said, ‘Yes, keep good relations with your mother.’” (Sahih Bukhari & Sahih Muslim)

Each of these hadith highlights a different aspect of our duties to parents:

These hadith collectively paint a clear picture: serving our parents, speaking gently to them, respecting them, and tending to their needs are among the most virtuous acts in Islam. Conversely, being harsh, abusive, or neglectful to parents is a grave sin that incurs Allah’s displeasure. A Muslim earns Allah’s pleasure by seeking the pleasure of his parents (as long as it’s in good), and earns Allah’s anger by angering his parents unjustly. In one saying, the Prophet stated: “Allah’s pleasure is in the pleasure of the father, and Allah’s anger is in the anger of the father.” This means if your father (or mother) is pleased with you, Allah is pleased with you – as long as the parent isn’t telling you to do wrong – and if your parent is unjustly upset due to your mistreatment, it’s a very serious matter in the sight of Allah.

Linguistic Insights: “Birr” and “Ihsān” to Parents

In the Qur’an and hadith, a few Arabic terms are used to describe kindness to parents:

In summary, the language of the Qur’an and Sunnah regarding parents is very soft and compassionate. We are told to use honorable words (qawlan karīman) with them, avoid the slightest harshness, and instead show ihsān (excellence) and rahmah (mercy). Just as our parents showed mercy to us as helpless children, we are expected to show mercy to them as they grow older and more in need of our help. The Arabic terms help us appreciate the quality of behavior expected: not just obedience, but loving, gentle, heartfelt kindness.

Historical Context and Examples

Understanding the historical context of these teachings can deepen our appreciation:

Pre-Islamic Culture vs. Islamic Reform: In the pre-Islamic Arab society (Jāhiliyyah), tribal loyalty was strong and respecting one’s elders was valued, but there were also cruel practices (like burying infant daughters alive) and less regard for mercy. Islam came and strengthened the importance of family ties, while purifying it from unjust customs. The Qur’an frequently reminds people of the mother’s sacrifices in pregnancy and nursing, something perhaps taken for granted before. By commanding kindness to parents, Islam improved how parents – especially elderly parents and mothers – were treated in a society that previously might neglect or abuse the weak.

Revelation Circumstances: Some Qur’anic verses about parents were revealed in response to specific incidents. For example, the verse “But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me…do not obey them, but accompany them with kindness” (31:15) is linked to the story of Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqās (ra), a young companion whose mother was not Muslim. When Sa’d embraced Islam, his mother was so upset that she vowed to neither eat nor drink until he renounced his new faith. She hoped to pressure him through hunger strike, out of her love for him and attachment to their old religion. Sa’d was deeply devoted to his mother but also firm in his faith. He told her kindly that he loved her, but he would not give up Islam even if she died from hunger. Eventually, when she saw he would not change, she resumed eating. It was in this context that Allah revealed that while a Muslim must never obey a parent in leaving Islam or committing shirk, the Muslim must still treat that parent well in worldly matters. This gentle treatment possibly influenced many parents over time to soften towards Islam. Sa’d ibn Abi Waqqās, by the way, continued to care for and respect his mother throughout her life, even though they differed in religion.

Prophet Muhammad’s Example: The Prophet Muhammad (ﷺ) himself was the kindest of all people toward his family. Even though his parents died when he was very young (his father before he was born and his mother when he was six), the Prophet showed great honor to foster relatives. For instance, he kept lifelong love for Ḥalīma – the Bedouin woman who nursed him as a baby – referring to her as “my mother (after my mother).” As an adult, he spread his cloak on the ground for her to sit on as a sign of respect. He also treated his late wife Khadijah’s elderly sister with tremendous respect and warmth, because she reminded him of his beloved wife and was a friend of the family. These examples show how the Prophet valued those who cared for him in childhood and maintained ties of loyalty and gratitude.

There is also a touching story of the Prophet with his daughter Fāṭima (ra) (though she is the child and he the parent in this case): whenever she would visit, the Prophet would stand up, smile, say a loving word, and seat her in his spot. This mutual love and respect in the family is exactly what Islam wants to cultivate. The Prophet said, “The best of you are those who are best to their families.” And our parents are the closest family, deserving the very best treatment.

Companions’ Behavior: Many early Muslims set inspiring examples in serving their parents. It’s recorded that Abdullah ibn Umar (ra), a prominent companion, once saw a man from Yemen carrying his elderly mother on his back and performing Tawaf (circling the Ka’bah). The man asked Ibn Umar, “Do you think I’ve repaid my mother for what she’s done for me?” Ibn Umar replied, “Not even for one contraction (one labor pain) she experienced giving birth to you.” This shows how the companions understood the debt of gratitude toward mothers in particular. Ibn Umar himself was known for being extremely dutiful to his father, the Caliph Umar ibn al-Khattab – and Umar (ra) in turn was very concerned about his own elderly mother’s care.

Another companion, Abu Hurayrah (ra), who was very close to the Prophet, had a mother who initially refused Islam and even spoke ill of the Prophet. Abu Hurayrah never disrespected her; instead, he politely invited her to Islam and, when she said hurtful things, he went to the Prophet in tears asking him to pray for her guidance. The Prophet made du‘ā’ and shortly after, Abu Hurayrah’s mother accepted Islam. Abu Hurayrah was overjoyed. It’s said that Abu Hurayrah used to greet his mother each day by saying, “As-salāmu ‘alayki, ummah! (Peace be on you, Mother!)” and “may Allah have mercy on you as you raised me when I was young”. She would reply “And peace be on you, my son! May Allah have mercy on you as you were dutiful to me when I am old.” This beautiful, loving relationship between mother and son exemplifies Islam’s ideal.

Uwais al-Qarni – Honoring a Mother, Earning a Miracle: In the generation after the companions, a remarkable story is told of Uwais al-Qarni from Yemen. Uwais was a devout Muslim who never met the Prophet ﷺ in person because he stayed back to care for his blind, elderly mother. He loved the Prophet dearly but could not leave his ailing mother even for a short trip. The Prophet Muhammad, through divine inspiration, actually knew about Uwais’s devotion. He told his companions, “There will come upon you Owais from Yemen… he was dutiful to his mother. If he swears by Allah (for something), Allah will fulfill it. If you meet him, ask him to pray for your forgiveness.”

Years later, during the Caliphate of Umar, Uwais al-Qarni indeed came with a group from Yemen for Hajj. Umar and Ali (two leading companions) eagerly sought him out. When they found him, they discovered this humble man who wore patched clothes and had no worldly fame. Umar conveyed the Prophet’s greetings to him and immediately asked Uwais to pray for them! Imagine – the Caliph of the Muslims asking an unknown man for du‘ā’ – all because the Prophet had praised Uwais’s exceptional kindness to his mother. Uwais prayed for Umar and others, and thus he became known as one whose prayers were answered. This is a powerful historical example of how Allah raised the status of a man due to his devotion to his parent. Uwais is often remembered as a saintly figure in Islamic tradition, and his story shows that even if one misses out on certain opportunities (like meeting the Prophet) for the sake of caring for a parent, Allah may grant something even greater.

These historical anecdotes reinforce that kindness to parents was a living practice among the early Muslims, not just theory. They also show that sometimes serving one’s parent meant sacrificing other desires or opportunities, but Allah always compensated with His blessings. The revelation of verses and the praise from the Prophet for people like Uwais highlight just how much value Islam places on honoring parents.

Conclusion: Living the Teachings Today

In today’s fast-paced and individualistic world, the Islamic emphasis on kindness to parents is more relevant than ever. Modern life, with all its stresses and distractions, can make it easy to take our parents for granted or to drift apart from them. However, the Quran and Sunnah remind us that our success – both spiritual and worldly – is deeply tied to how we treat our mothers and fathers.

For Muslims, applying these teachings today means:

Moving forward, Muslims should strive to uphold these teachings even as the social landscape changes. With migration, many Muslim families live in cultures different from their own – but the Islamic principles remain a constant guide. There’s a beautiful consistency: the way one generation treats the previous will likely influence how they themselves are treated by the next. So by fostering love and care for our parents today, we are also paving the way for our children to learn what we expect when we reach old age!

Finally, we must remember that Allah’s pleasure is the ultimate goal. Gaining the pleasure of our parents is not just an end in itself, but a means to attaining Allah’s pleasure. Conversely, we fear the dua of an oppressed person – and who is more oppressed than a mother or father heartbroken by a cruel child? So, out of love for Allah and fear of His displeasure, a Muslim continuously checks himself/herself in how they interact with parents.

In conclusion, the teachings of Islam regarding kindness to parents are timeless and compassionate. They urge us to recognize the sacrifices our parents made, to thank them through deeds, to speak to them with gentleness, and to care for them with dedication. These teachings build strong families and compassionate individuals. In a time when many elderly suffer neglect, the Islamic way offers warmth and dignity. Let us all reflect on our own behavior toward our parents and seek to improve it, keeping in mind that one day – if Allah wills – we will be the aging parent in need of mercy.

As Muslims often say in prayer: “O Allah, help us to honor our father and mother, forgive them and have mercy on them. O Allah, never let us be among the ungrateful. Ameen.”

Recommended Books on Kindness to Parents

For those interested in learning more or reading detailed discussions and stories about honoring parents in Islam, several classical and contemporary works focus on this subject. Here are some highly-regarded books (all from a perspective) dedicated specifically to kindness to parents: